Train of Thought

After I got the call about the Fontan, I was in some sort of haze. I don't remember driving to the store. I had a carefully written shopping list by Mechal and what should have taken me 20 minutes, ended up taking me an hour and a half.

My thoughts went something like this:

Plasticine. Right. Where is the plasticine? Liz called. The doctors had their meeting. Fontan. Fontan? FONTAN! Oh no- Fontan. Okay, breath. What was I looking for? Plasticine. Right. Why am I in the towels section? Okay, concentrate. Plasticine. Here it is. How much does she need and which colors? Her sister is having heart surgery- she can have all the Plasticine in the store. Okay, that's going overboard. Two packs should suffice.


What's next? Fontan. We first heard about the Fontan when we learned that Tehilla has HLHS. It seemed so far off. Like an unattainable goal. We had to surpass so much to get to the Fontan. Norwood. Norwood recovery. Interstage. Glenn. Normal life and then Fontan. Of course, we had an extra surgery. Tehilla has always made her own way about everything. Even from the beginning.


Where am I? Right, I'm supposed to be getting containers for meat. Here is the container section. My G-d, that is a lot of containers. Who cares about containers? Surely, any of these can do. I mean, Tehilla is having surgery. Again. My baby is having surgery. Wait- focus. I'm pretty sure that normally you do care about what kind of containers you have. Why did you put truck shaped containers in your cart? What use is a truck shaped container? Okay- just pick one.


Next- black magic paper? What is that? Oh, the black paper that you scratch away at. Can we do it again? Can we ask for another miracle? There's got to be some kind of family limit or something- no? Have we used up our quota? Quota be damned.  We need another freaking miracle. So, that's just what it will have to be. Tehilla. We named her Tehilla. G-d will be praised when people see the little girl with half a heart. Tehilla. Praise.

So, you can imagine why it took an hour and a half for that shopping trip and I came home with only some of the items on my list and some baffling choices on what I did purchase. That haze lifted the next day, and now we have just been trying to focus our attention on what it means to ask- yet, again- for a miracle.

My next post will be a plan of action. A plan of action for a miracle.