Monday, March 31, 2014


Last night was a nightmare. Tehilla is refusing to eat anything but nurse. She clamps her mouth shut and spits out any formula I manage to get in. I even tried with a syringe. She's a smart little cookie. 

My milk is low. She is not getting enough to eat, so she is going down in weight and is irritable. She is barely peeing because she doesn't have what to give. She is not dehydrated. She won't sleep because the poor little girl is starving.

Last night it took me 3.5 hours of her screaming to get her to sleep. I broke the rules and nursed her every two hours last night. I walked up and down the halls with her in my arms or her in the stroller. I even put sugar water on the nipple of the bottle. She adamantly refused. She finally fell asleep at 2:15am. I fell asleep too. 

We have had really great nurses until now. At 4:00am, a different nurse came to check her diaper and take her vitals. She did not like that our nurse hadn't done it yet, because I had been struggling to get her to sleep and now we were finally sleeping. She wanted him to have done it already, even though he told her we had a horrible night. So I wake up at 4:00am to her lowering the crib. 

"What are you doing? You will wake her."

"Her blood pressure needs to be measured and I want to check her diaper."

"No. Don't touch her. I spent hours getting her to sleep. You absolutely cannot wake her."

"But I need to check-"

"Nothing will have changed in an hour or two. Go out now and let us sleep."

"No, I-"

"No, you don't. In an hour. Bye."

This morning Tehilla was finally hungry enough to eat 70cc of a bottle. I bathed and weighed her. She went down 10g. She weighs 6.165kg. That's really not that bad. 

Here's the thing, my milk can't build up without sleep and if I'm stressed. But I can't get any sleep in the hospital. And it's stressful. I'll be talking to Dr. Erez about that when he gets here.

Now, I'm going to nap.  


  1. Oh, mama, you are doing such a wonderful job taking care of your sweet baby! You are so amazing; just reading your blog has been changing my whole perspective on motherhood. You may think it's strange that someone you don't know is commenting on so many of your posts, but I truly care so much about you and Tehilla and you have moved me and so many others to say more tfilot, do more mitzvot, both for you and for others... you and Tehilla are bringing so much good into the world! I know someone who has a fear of talking to new people but was inspired by you to pick up the phone and call an organisation and volunteer to help kids with cancer. Please remember this when you're feeling stressed and tired! Do you have a good lactation consultant to talk to? If not, and you would like, I will put one in touch with you. And for now, I hope you're getting some sleep. And all of your support mamas out here will send milky, fat thoughts!

    1. Thank you Eleanore. That is very encouraging. I'm very happy to hear that Tehilla's journey is making waves of good. That is incredible about your friend. <3

  2. Shoshana, next time you can get out, or someone can come to you, get food. It can really help build up your milk. What worked for me wa a daily combo of beer, ice cream, and meat/chicken. (My sister had to eat a pint of B & J's every day just maintain her milk...!)
    Sending fat, healing thoughts to both of you, and tefilot for an understanding Dr Erez.

    1. Thanks Elisheva. People brought me food and I was well taken care of. Please G-d, my milk will get back to where it was. <3 to you